I am a high school girl who will be going to college in less than a year, in this busy schoolwork, the most important day of my life, I watched the women's abstinence in the last 300 days or so, and realized that the reason why my fate has been so bad in the past is due to masturbation.

I have been enjoying the pleasure of masturbation since I was in the single digits of my age for some reason, probably due to the accumulation of habits from my past lives and the fact that my family used to watch romantic dramas about men and women, so even though my mouth didn't talk about it when I was a kid, I always loved to look at the highest-valued members of the opposite sex in my class, and I thought that I was deeply in love with them and always had a crush on them, and internally, I was obsessive and always hoped that I could be with a high-valued boy.

In elementary school, my father found me out once, because he was a Buddhist monk, and stopped me, but I wasn't sure why I couldn't masturbate. But I did turn my relationships around in elementary school after quitting, and my grades too.

However, because I did not deeply understand what the nature of masturbation is, (I still don't understand why my emotional attachment is so heavy, and the women on the website said that this is also masturbation) so I junior high school because I was not used to the class group after I transferred to a different school, and I was too lonely alone one day and then suddenly and naturally wanted to masturbate again, and since then I began to be more and more poorly off and fell into a depression, and did not know that it was due to my own behavior, but instead I have been blaming my parents and classmates for not wanting to understand my loneliness, and I have been complaining to others. Now I am very resentful, probably because my kidney energy is depleted and my heart is burning, I am very impatient and I often look at people in a bad light.

To high school I immediately to the very poor magnetic field, not long after the start of the school immediately by people inexplicably say bad things. Due to loneliness and emptiness masturbation more frequently, to the end even romance novels, Internet homoeroticism, TV series with men and women can not fill my emptiness, I also inadvertently contacted the pornographic website, the content is not I really like, I lack of love is also thirsty for people to really care, but I still therefore the whole person kidney qi big loss, and now the dark circles under the eyes is very heavy, ugly, a girl should be able to understand! We really want to look good.

I used to (and still can't change it) like to fantasize about jealousy, forced love fantasy plot to fill my inner emptiness, the feeling of not being loved, but I don't know that all these are the reason why my overall energy is declining more and more, my ancestor has virtue, as well as in the past also have accumulated blessings, so that I grew up in the study of Buddhism, the traditional education of the Chinese family, and I agree with the values, but in the past was attracted by secular fun has not studied these values for a long time. But in the past, I was attracted by worldly pleasures, and I have not studied these things for a long time. Now that I am going to university, I have been hoping that I can study well, go to a university with good resources, and then become an intellectual who will continue the learning of the past saints.

My current thinking is that since I want to become such a person, I have to attract the same magnetic field of people, things, things, and try not to touch the world of love between men and women to avoid the values being biased, I actually know that in ancient times, men and women married each other are very cautious and observe the rituals, so I think that maybe because of this, things between men and women can not be casual, but I still can not help but pay attention to the male, and due to masturbation, I am even more unnatural in front of the opposite sex. the opposite sex is even more unnatural. The internet says to look at the concept of impurity, but I want to be with at least one man in the future who has a positive outlook and is like-minded because of my emotional attachment, and I don't want to stop focusing on the opposite sex altogether.

The above is a description of my whole journey, if you have experience, especially women (because I think I am more due to lack of love, although I already have the ambition may be able to avoid, but the part of the love obsession think that the girls understand better) I hope that you can provide assistance and advice, and I hope that all the people on this site can avoid the evil and cultivate the good to be successful! Amitabha Buddha